Escaping the Relationship Mirage

Human minds are amazing things.

Capable, analytical, innovative, imaginative, sophisticated, logical, systematic, investigative and perhaps a whole lot more than one can even wonder.

But for all its amazing powers it has one major flaw too especially when you bring the word emotion and link it to the mind, a flaw that we all at some time or another fall victim to. A flaw which is inherent and can never be changed, nor should it be changed for that would devoid our lives of some of the most beautiful times and memories. On the contrary actually, if you could manipulate your brain and try to use this flaw in a positive way, there is miracles one can create, but that is a discussion for another day.

My blog for today is about knowing and understanding this flaw and learning how to break its stranglehold and moving on, in process becoming a stronger YOU.

The flaw I talk about is Relationship Mirage. However before we discuss it we need to know what exactly a mirage is.

As per Wikipedia, A MIRAGE is a naturally occurring optical phenomenon in which light rays are bent to produce a displaced image of distant objects or the sky. The word comes to English via the French mirage, from the Latin mirari, meaning “to look at, to wonder at”. This is the same root as for “mirror” and “to admire”.

The words of consequence being “displaced image”, “mirror”, “admire” a trick that our mind plays on us, one could argue.

Imagine a drained out lost traveler under the scorching sun in middle of a large desert suddenly seeing a sparkling pond of water. He runs towards it faster than his legs can carry him; only to see the water vanishing into thin hot air.

Haven’t we all experienced such mirages in our life? Not in deserts for most of us, but in the emotional relationships that we begin with such great intent and then they wane into the thin air of nothingness over a period of time. Why does it happen, how does it happen and what to do after it happens? The answer to the first two questions is pretty much same for everyone but the last one is where we are different as individuals. We all handle situation differently and that’s what makes us unique.

The answer to the question of Why is simple because we seek it, we are social people always looking to connect with people who are like minded because there is joy in sociability.

As for the How…… well this is where the mirage comes in , “What the heart seeks is what the heart sees”, we are all inherently good people and all we see is goodness in others. It is like seeking our own image in the mirror of life albeit in a different individual. 15430951131_d3123c8c29_bThis is sometime that displaced image that we see because we want to see. This is when we start running towards this individual emotionally because we think we have found what was most desirable, the one that we were always in the quest for. We commit the life to them, as lover, as friend as brothers and sister from another mother and whatever best choice of words one can possibly think off. This is the honeymoon phase of a relationship, where nothing is wrong. A mistake is called an error, being together is termed a bliss and the joint plans are called life. It is the place I call paradise, the most heavenly memories of the human life are made in this state of affairs. The state of emotional slumber and ecstatic dreams but then…………………there is the water of lake evaporating in thin air !!!

It is the beginning of the end……the rude awakening or as it is in my case, the gentle rude awakening, for I do give chances to relations. There is a first time and there is a second time but then eventually at some point as much as want to believe in it, the mirage and the relationship does shatter.

The fault is seldom in an individual though. It is the fact that as time goes on and we go deeper in a relationship we start knowing them better and realize the mirage was, well a mirage.

Imagine again being on a beach going for a swim and seeing the most glistening water of a sparkling lake from a distance. You run towards it already thinking about how you’re your are going to go and how much you are going to enjoy. When you come close enough though, you see that green plantie thing called algae floating on it. It was always there but you didn’t see it because that was not your focus that is not what you were seeking. You step into the lake and now you see the dirt, the mud in there. These things that were always there, but they were not in your mind and hence didn’t factor when you were making those initial choices.

Now however they do matter and this is when you have to make the choices,

  1. Reject the Mirage, play blame-game, slander in public, swear not to speak again
  2. Keep living the Mirage
  3. Accept the Mirage and decide to step away one step at a time.

I know friends who have taken options A and B and there is nothing wrong in them because that is the choice they found most suitable.7749607274_0fbed45911_k

I for one prefer the option C, I accept (actually propose) the existence of relationship mirage, I cherish the memories that I built during the time that I was in that mirage but I also choose to step back when I realize that I am entrapped where I don’t desire to be. I do step away from it with my own reasons, with my own findings, without slandering friends and lovers , without swearing that I shall not step in your presence or in your house or in your life.

Most of all I choose to accept the relationship mirages as part of my life as part of me and proudly still remember them as Lovers, Friends and Brothers !!!

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